God will fight the battles

City lights is gone, over and finished. The only remaining remembrance of the experience is folded into the file cabinet. Thinking meets believing, my faith meets my failures and at times reluctantly and void of resentment my failures meet my faith. Song birds of a chromatic palette cascade chimes and notes of what seems like archaic hymns. The music a variety of guitars and gospels, venturing with Steve Perry's journey through a few friends playing Disney characters. There was music among us, there were always sparrows singing for a man who sacrificed his life so we could make some sense of the impenetrable work he did. There was laughter with light and sadness with salt. A variety of meals from around the globe, feet were shod and ready for battle. They arrived as strangers and left as family. Some worked with children and became overwhelmed, learning a new way to rely on a father. Some became menders for broken souls, all became intentional (just a bit more) for the love of the father. They were taught by biblical scholars who sacrificed top dollars to love us as children and to honor the father. We harvesters plant crops and let the seeds develop. We met with new influence and inspired one another. We cried together, we broke bread together, we grew angry with one another.

Citylights never leaves you, it is with you forever. Any experience God gives us cannot be taking away. When I graduated college my grandfather told me "they can never take this away from you." I have no idea "who" they are but graduation, sobriety, citylights, accepting the truly free gift of Christ, my love for people even when it hurts and is hard cannot be taken away from me. When I die, I die as someone who has both successes and failures. Wanting to be a testimony in others lives and not a title. I remember for my character, not my currency. I want to learn more about Yahweh and not Your way.

I am here now after the music stops and the city lights experience is shown on social networks to remind us of our union. I listen to Janelle Monae and wonder if I can get in her head, her genius has captured me. I'm taking another day off, sitting on address to my old summer class I helped teach. A painful mix of broke financially and spiritually finding it harder to rely on him. Wondering if the last minute is coming so God can scoop me up. It feels like the bottom, i feel stripped and surely exposed. I am vulnerable, avoidable and easily anxious. I feel like a lost face in the crowd, attempting to hide from God again thinking I have angst and the elusiveness of a seal. Stuck in my muck with anticipation of defeat but knowing the marvelous light can penetrate the darkness distilling in my soul. It's an interesting portion of time right now. I am feeling so lazy, so empty, so lost...

During skit team practice we were blindfolded and had to fully rely on the circle that was surrounding us for safety. It feels awkward, daunting and small but slowly it becomes comfortable, easy and no longer difficult. God fights for us, especially when we fight ourselves. The hardest thing in my opinion is not the detox of someone who is addicted to the drug but the feelings that effect the person afterwards. Whether in the valley or climbing the mountain. The urge to use is there, the drink taste sweet and taste buds mimic past drinks. The brain tells the heart to drink, to celebrate or to mourn. The drink is a buffer for feelings. God will fight the battle, but you can avoid speed bumps by consuming the metallic feel of a gin and tonic. That is where the reliance has to play a prevalent role in our outcome. The feeling God has your back and your front has be be both a constant fraction and a constant rate. The ideal that "God will fight your battles"...ok, when, has got to be submerged and destroyed. I need to believe and trust in God more and more daily. I do miss a lot, A LOT of people but God is here. He works in every single one of us from the crunch to the smooth, from the wide to the narrow, from the rich to the poor. God will fight our battles!

"Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom, teaching and
admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs,
singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord."
Colossians 3:16

KEEP SWIMMING! KEEP SWIMMING!!

peace, love and soup!

Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow; Don't walk behind me, I may not lead; Walk beside me, and just be my friend.
Albert Camus

AMEN!