Which Horse to Bet on?

I advanced my feelings today, i was told I had a listening problem. Not a bid deal I thought at the time. I was wrong I need to pay closer attention to other people. Let anyone who has ears listen (Matthew 11:15) I am second to them. I am not above other people by any means. I struggle to recognize my behavior of inattentiveness while I am in the act of doing. It's disrespectful though and selfish. An body want to split a slice of humble pie and listen to Johnnie Rodgers? I need to listen to God when inattentiveness rears its ugly head. Listen to me, O Jacob, and Israel, whom I called: I am He; I am the first, and I am the last. (Isaiah 48:12)I need to focus on what others are saying am improve my skills as a listener and seek others in time of need. Fools think their own way is right, but the wise listen to advice.
(Proverbs 12:15)You must understand this, my beloved: let everyone be quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to anger. (James 1:19).

I'm currently at a coffee shop during decaffeinated tea, peppermint flavored. It's delicious and warm. If its decaf tea, it's called tea cafe. I am forced to listen to some musician who could make serious noise at the Lilith Fair. I'm not to impressed with her sound though, her voice would some better if I consumed NyQuil and was working at a mattress shop. I haven't yet found that one true emotion to describe her, i couldn't fall in love with her. I went to a psychology conference today and managed to comprehend a small portion of it. Once the speaker went into met analysis or psychometric, i could have been a participant for a sleep study. Most were behavioral psychologist, which i repeat most were behavioral psychologist, and again most were behavioral psychologist. I need to be more like the behavioral psychology theory of reinforcement in my life, especially when it comes to pray. I don't pray enough is a common excuse among many Christians and I am in the boat (with my pride at times I'm steering it also), There's a line in a song "I give my life to follow, everything I believe in...."(Hilsong "Mighty To Save") except when I have errands to run, except when I am around a certain crowd where my religious beliefs makes me the minority, except for when I'm caught up in mental slavery and selfish acts of the heartless. My very dear friend recently wrote "The Bible also says to "pray always," or "at all times, pray;" but this sort of early morning prayer, the silent kind, the secluded kind, the separated from all but God kind is something our souls desperately need." He has my against the ropes with that one, and I couldn't even fathom doing this. The longest I go with prayer tops at 30 minutes 27-28 just silence and my head is a remote of other activities. My prayers at times consists of plenty of awkward silences, the attention span of an ADHD kid at a Chucky Cheese and acts of spiritual instant gratification (God gimme that toy now or ME, ME ME). No reinforcement in my prayers.

I should be studying right now for an social psychology exam but I can't get her out of my head. She has been there for awhile. She has grace and attractiveness that muse me to achieve and be confident in groups but shy when we are alone together. I haven't been physically attracted to someone other than myself for a long time. The problem is that the her is a they. It's aggravating. But I'm glad that the Lord is my rock and not Jello, transparent and slimy, quick to fall through ones fingers and end up on the kitchen floor.

It's a struggle for mankind though. Cognitively we see certain beauties in others and cannot decipher others. That's not just selecting physical attraction. It encompasses all sorts of beauty. We have phrases like "beauty is in the eye of the beholder" "Beauty is only skin deep" The truth is if we are all created in the image of God, then we are all beautiful. I haven't met someone who is 100% satisfied with themselves and their appearance (i don't know any narcissists or saints). I don't feel that it's a gender issue either, it is a mental issue though. We see ourselves in a false lens and the media plays the role of the ultimate authority and behavioral psychologist instead of our Maker. Commericals tell us we are worthless and happiness is found in products. We all apply some kind of makeup to hide our identity, we pray for a different appearance or we neglect praying and treat our bodies like the inside of a dump truck or an amusement park instead of a temple.

I'm nothing near perfection, at times I can't stand the way I look. I feel so fat (because I eat in the same quantity of a Hobbit), I don't like my face, I hate my height at times (once again Hobbit) I don't like my stomach (i used to joke that I have the figure of a bowling pin or a light bulb) and etc. I wonder if Lady Gaga is our generation's Richard Simmons, because every song I hear of hers makes me want to dance.

I need to learn acceptance, not a simple task or a tall order either. God made this whole world and everything in it, gave us free will and saves lives all the times. I'm here talking about physical appearance and self loathing. I neglect God, like I neglect listening to other people when they talk. God and I have tug-of-war contests for what is the next right thing to do. We learn that in AA "to just do the next right thing." To "keep it simple and to let things go." They are simple ways to achieve a new and rewarding sobriety. I need to try to ask God to mold my mind, not so much my physique.I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living. Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart
and wait for the LORD. (Psalm 27:13-14). I am really in a new transition in life and am working at listening, loving and walking humble with God (you want to come with, hold my hand?).