Frenzy

It's a strange day today. We are in a weather transition, gearing towards spring. I am also in a transition with my academic career, going the English route. I am going to become the coveted "super senior" prolonging my allegiance with the world of full-time jobs and khakis. I's a fear based frenzy.

I'm thinking a trip somewhere exotic and refreshing. Somewhere along the confines of a distant land. Somewhere with new voices, customs, foods would be ideal. Maybe somewhere overseas such as Ireland or Italy. I'm in between the pre-contemplation stage and the contemplation stage. In the past I never go towards the action stage. I have vivid fantasies of obtaining the confidence to travel, but become reluctant and tell myself that I am nowhere near the goal. Again, money comes into play here. It's a stranglehold. I could open up a savings account give up on the habits that I enjoy right now. The smoking. The caffeine. I truly enjoy legal stimulants, especially the deadliest one. They go good together when you listen to Bouncing Souls "Lamar Vannoy." I still like the part of the song that holdest strength too me. Something about the word Oi, that sends me into a smiling frenzy.

Anyways, traveling seems attainable, do-able and enjoyable. I fear doing it independently though. I feel that the happiness and safety of the whole ordeal would be compromised if I go at it alone. So, as usually with the type of person everyday is do different cognitively. Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder continues to reign supreme as far as decision making is concerned. One of my vulnerabilities is decision making skills. I never have any idea, until someone makes a decision for me or when i communicate I make blurred assumptions about what I want to do. Nothing is ever concrete. Nothing set in stone. I envy those who have the freedom to jump from place to place and have there heads in the clouds yet their feet are on the ground. I's a unattentive frenzy.

As far as a new, authentic English student it requires me to take a language. I have narrowed it down to French or Spanish. Both languages would be ideal, interesting, challenging and helpful. I have momentum on my side though. I believe that there is no such thing as a waste of education. One thing that I was struggling with was now I have declared my major for the personal record fourth time that I will no longer try on the classes I am taking right now. I need more coffee and a spiritual advisor. I could use a hobby besides television and facebook chat. Something constructive and cunning, till then I will be in a mental frenzy with a messy, unread booked bedroom.